Don't curse the fates, curse your opponents. Or: Ideology means never having to say "Ooops."

From James Lileks via Jay Solo comes this zesty jab at those ungrateful peaceniks protesting one year in Iraq:

Imagine if you woke from an operation and discovered that your tumor was gone. You’d think: I suppose that’s a good thing. But. You learned that the hospital might profit from the operation. You learned that the doctor who made the diagnosis had decided to ignore all the other doctors who believed the tumor could be discouraged if everyone protested the tumor in the strongest possible terms, and urged the tumor to relent. How would you feel? You’d be mad. You’d look up at the ceiling of your room and nurse your fury until you came to truly hate that butcher. And when he came by to see how you were doing, you’d have only one logical, sensible thing to say: YOU TOOK IT OUT FOR THE WRONG REASONS. PUT IT BACK!

Okay then. I like this approach. Maybe I'll try it:

Suppose I get a client by offering to help boost his market share. To do this, I recommend repositioning his chewing gum product as a cure for cancer. Some believe at first and buy by the case. But the medical community has a cow and lets its disgust be known. Hope has turned to skepticism, then to anger. This alienates half my client's employees and half his consumers, plunges his balance sheet further into the red and garners him reams of bad press. The alienated employees and consumers find common cause in their grievances, form an angry mob and set out to picket my client's place of business. Things get out of hand. Security is called in. Violence ensues, torches get lit and a building gets burned down. Only problem is, in their zeal, the protesters got the address wrong and it turns out they've mistakenly burned down my client's chief competitor instead. The next day, Wall Street reacts to the news and my client's share price doubles. Customers who previously had two choices now have one. My client's market share doubles. Logically, I have done what I said I would do. Mission Accomplished. Now, given my proven effectiveness, can I help you with YOUR marketing?

I think we have a new business strategy for the ages here. Thanks, James.