Why Murden quit: Cartoon Boat Veterans for Truth.

Naval veteran's "stays crunchy in milk" claims called into question.

BATTLE CREEK, MI: In the seemingly never ending tit-for-tat struggle for 2-dimensional leadership, new battle lines have been drawn. Yesterday, credible new sources stepped forward calling into question one leading candidate's resume and qualifications.

Independent sources suggest that Cap'n Crunch, decorated veteran and skipper of storied vessel, "The Guppy," may actually be lactose intolerant and never saw any "real milk action." This stepped-up campaign mudslinging follows on last month's still-unanswered Crunch demands to know "How'd you get that pot of gold, Lucky? Does the IRS know?"

Amid claims and counter-claims of "rotting the teeth of America's Future[sic]," no campaign charge is left behind: "Our candidate's been in the bowl--Vitamin D, 2%, Skim and soy. We know the horrors of Dairy and non-dairy substitutes," said Lt. Rocket J. Squirrel, (Ret.), Communications Director for Crunch.

Hearing the charges, incumbent Lucky the Leprechaun, on a campaign swing through Indiana told voters at a Waffle House in Bloomington, "I knew General Mills. I served with General Mills; General Mills was a friend of mine. You, Cap'n, are no General Mills."

General Mills was on maneuvers and unavailable for comment at the time of this report, but American Flagg, patriot, past Cartoon Commander-in-Chief and unofficial advisor to the Crunch campaign noted: "If I was Mr. Lucky, I'd pipe down.... 'Magically Delicious? Pink moons? Purple horseshoes? Sounds pretty 'girly' to me. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

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Okay, John Murden has his own reasons, most likely unrelated to dairy products. Still, too bad he didn't stay with it. But it's understandable.

I don't know John. But, it's a fair bet that the 2-dimensional, cramped nature of Richmond's self-regard is a powerful reason why plenty of talented people--civic, business, cultural--keep their heads down, or just keep moving on.

That's not news. But Valerie did ask the question: If you could see any local blogger take office (locally or nationally), who would you want it to be and why?

I don't know if I can come up with a name, but I'm gonna spend the next day or few coming up with a why. Who knows, maybe some folks might recognize a little of themselves in the Why. I have a feeling that no "Why" is a pretty big part of our blockage and siloage.

That, and not enough cartoons.

(PS: I cannot tell a lie. I cheated and reprised the Cap'n from here)